Years ago I used to work with people looking for work. I remember one computer guy who said something like this:
When there is a problem in a program I'm working on, the problem is always in me. When I fix what's going on in me, the program is fixed.
Not I! The difficulty is always from someone else. Someone else is always the problem. That's the way I always thought. Now I am beginning to see that, when I am struggling with something, the struggle is mine. It does come from inside me and not from where I have placed it.
Along with this theme, there used to be a comic strip called the Katzenjammer Kids. At the end of every episode, one of the boys would say:
We brung it on ourselves.
In a recent personal question that God answered, He said:
Karma is not something you have to have. Karma is a picture you keep.
I am also reminded of Ho'Opoponopono. You remember the psychiatrist in Hawaii who emptied a ward of the criminally insane by taking responsibility for the men's illness by looking at their files, never meeting with them, simply looking at their files and repeating sincerely to himself:
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love.
Dr. Hew Len did not go on a guilt trip. He simply took responsibility. By default, he wasn't judging the men, many of whom, were so violent they had to be shackled. He didn't judge.
Judgment is a biggie.
Now bringing this back to myself, I suffered great anxiety as I waited to be granted the visa I so wanted. I have to equate struggle with suffering. I can see how in my life, I have struggled with authority figures who held a certain amount of power over me. I have seen this as a pattern from the past, and I have seen this in other people where they seem to need an opponent. It's not so much that life sends them opponents. They choose them. Rather than seeing a friend, they see a foe. That's how I see it. Of course, everything is so easy to see in others.
Now, getting back to my awaiting the visa, of course, I do not know all that went on behind the scenes. Maybe nothing! But here is one thing from my side that I do know (notice I say my side, already making a separation.)
During my time of waiting, I called he immigration receptionist who had truly been cordial and helpful. I don't know how she could have been nicer. Over the weeks, I called her three times, got the answering machine, left a message, repeated my phone number, and never got called back. I built it up in my mind to dramatic proportions. Why wouldn't they call me back etc. I started to feel like a victim.
Later, Heaven Admin mentioned that such agencies never do call you back. There may well be nothing more to my not being called back than that.
But look at what else I discovered by chance that makes me look squarely at myself and no other.
Of course, God has said:
There is no other.
Here's what happened: My friend Barbara asked for my present phone number. I emailed it to her. She emailed me back that when she dialed the number I gave her, she got an out of order message. This made me take a second look at the phone number I had given her. Yep, I had reversed the area code with the second three numbers. Instead of 773 979, I had put 979 773. Had I done that with the phone number I had given to immigration? I really don't know. The point is that I was quick to hold someone else responsible for a mistake that may well have been mine.
The next time I start to decide I have a struggle on my hands, I swear I will take a good look at myself. I will start with myself and not be so quick to jump to conclusions that favor me and not someone else. I sure hope I have really, once and for all, learned this lesson. Thank you, God.