Heaven Admin is looking for an opportunity to sue me for slander!
When I told him that he was going to be in the Heaven autobiographical book, The Little Things, he said: “You mean you don't need my permission? You mean you can say anything you want?”
I answered: “Of course I can. So long as I'm not making it up, I can.”
This leaves me a lot of leeway because Heaven Admin keeps no secrets. It is no secret that he is a merciless tease at the expense of an innocent person. He has even told me stories of his remarkable prowess starting from his childhood.
When he and his younger brother, Daryl, were very young, they would bring in toads or big bugs into their house to scare their mother. They would dangle their treasures in front of her. She would automatically scream and run away and then return with a wooden spoon and chase them and their scary objects out of the house -- all to their delight. I wonder if their boyishness was not also a delight to their mother. I wonder if she really was scared and whether it was a game she played to the hilt for their joy. In any case, they felt victorious and wonderful.
Now, getting back to present day. Heaven Admin sometimes says preposterous things to me, like he is going to have me drive home the little stick-shift car borrowed from family when he picks up Banjo, his 4-wheel drive, from the repair shop. He wants to have me drive on the freeway in South Africa?
I cry out urgently: “Senor, I’ll never be able to figure out driving on the left side of the road!”
“Of course, you can,” he says calmly.
“No, I can’t. I’ll never be able to make a right turn on the other side of the road. I’ll get all mixed up. I won’t know which way to turn. AND THERE'S TRAFFIC!”
I have to convince him. Our lives depend on it. I continue.
“I'M NOT SURE I SEE THAT WELL! I DON'T LIKE TO GO FAST! I'LL LOSE MY WAY!”
I anguish through the whole drama, going hrough the gamut of emotions. Finally, after begging him for at least five minutes to please not make me drive on the freeways in heavy traffic in South Africa, he says with a scornful laugh:
“Do you think I’m crazy? I never was going to let you drive.”
Next time I am not going to fall for anything Heaven Admin says. I won't. I will not. I really won't. Never will he fool me again. Besides, I have the last word, here, on this blog, and in the book, The Little Things.