A blog special. Warning: Read with caution:
For three weeks I have had a terrible cough. A wracking debilitating cough. I was a walking cough. I was nothing but a cough. I was a human cough. My identity was cough.
There was no cosmic hum. There was cough, cough, cough.
Heaven Admin spent fortunes on healthy vile-tasting potions with names too terrible to mention but guaranteed to heal accursed coughs. He administered these tinctures to me himself, spoon by spoon. He prayed for a cure.
Whatever he asked me, I responded: “Cough, cough, cough.”
I carried Kleenex close to my heart.
There were strangling coughs. There were gurgling coughs. There were successful coughs.
There were also days of laryngitis where no sound could escape my larynx except for cough, cough, cough.
There were days where only a tiny high-pitched voice could escape my larynx, and this high-pitched squeaking, while I was helpless, Heaven Admin would mimic with callous laughter.
I narrowly escaped being put back on a flight, any flight, just so Heaven Admin wouldn’t have to hear cough, cough, cough. I discovered that Heaven Admin does not have the patience of a saint as I had thought.
Heaven Admin, I have to ask you: "What did you have to complain about? I was the one with the cough."
No one realizes what I have been through, but now there seems to be a breakthrough where whole moments go by without a cough.
Houston, we have arrived!