About Taking Things Personally

Dear Blogreaders,

To stop taking what someone says or does personally is something I have been working on all my life. 

I have been much better about this sort of thing for a long time now. Although I may still feel offended, not so often and, when I do, the hurt feelings don't hang around long.

Of course, God in Heavenletters™  talks a lot about not taking things personally. And life keeps teaching me this again and again. How long does it take for me to really learn it?

There was someone in my life recently who was extremely charming and sweet-talking. Then all of a sudden, for no reason that I could fathom, the sweet words weren't there any longer. Then the person became rude, and there was my old resentment as if I never knew better.

Soon I learned that this person had become quite ill. It became so clear that the change between us had nothing to do with me. I didn't cause it. I was not to blame. The other person really wasn't either. The change in the relationship really and truly didn't have anything to do with me.  It made as much sense for me to be angry as it would be to be angry at a friend who broke his leg and couldn't take walks with me any more.

Just knowing that I was not responsible for the shift, my hurt feelings left, and I felt like a friend again.

I was sure I would never take anything personally again.

That illusion lasted until the next day when someone I know  made an unkind remark. Here I was back again, taking it all very personally.  I told myself all the things I tell myself when my feelings are hurt, that she had never thought well of me, and I had been a fool to think we were ever friends or ever could be etc. Sure enough, there I was taking it all personally again.

I knew a lot about this person's history.  She did not have an enviable childhood. Later she had had a terrible tragedy in her life. I don't mean this as an excuse for rudeness, but why would I take anything she said personally? Did I think only of myself and how I felt?

Around this time, a dear friend of mine used the expression "wounded soul." And then it hit me -- just about everyone is a wounded soul, and can't I give people a break from being perfect?

My friend's remark reflected her own pain, insecurities, and lack of understanding. I happened to be there,  and my hurt feelings also reflected my pain, my insecurities, and my own lack of understanding.  I had known that already, but somehow it was now hitting home.  Just to think of it -- life really isn't all about me. What a revelation! Not everything is about me!