All the while, we loved

There is a Heavenletter written down recently (not yet published) in which God says that we always loved. Despite how it seemed to us, we loved. Even though we might have avoided someone or not treated them well, deep down, we really loved.

Now in my thoughts, after having read that Heavenletter, people from the past keep appearing before me, and I do love them now.  How I would love to see them now, perhaps offer an apology but -- I think, if I could have a few minutes with them now -- I would not waste time on apology. I would hug them instead.

Did I love them then in spite of myself? Is the past merely an act we put on for each other? Is this perhaps what that which is called karma is? A mutually-acted out story? A bit part in a movie? Some lines memorized that we seemingly had to follow.

One of the first people to pop into my mind is Miss Gustafson. http://www.godwriting.org/godwriting/why-miss-gustafson-peer-pressure.htm

I disrespected her. To my shame, I joined in the group-consciousness of a high school class that was unkind to her. I would absolutely love her now and rewrite our story. I would be her friend.

Then I also thought of a girlfriend whose name I can't even remember.  I had "dismissed" her because she owed me some money and I couldn't get past that. She moved away to another state and had a baby on her own. This was many years ago. Would that I had stayed her friend. I hug her now and regret the lost years.

I guess that what I mean by love is that there are people I would love to see, love to reunite with, love to have a chance to and to rewrite my part of the script. How grateful I would be for their presence in my life now.

The more I thought about this, however, I also remembered a few people who seem to mean nothing to me now. At the time, they meant a great deal to me,  and now I don't seem to have any feelings for them, either pro or con. It is as if I would have nothing to say to them now, nothing at all, as if they never existed. In many cases, what I had once thought was love wasn't. And in almost every case of people I thought I didn't care for, I care deeply for now. I sure had a lot backwards.

Is it that there are people we are simply finished with, and they are filed away, or was everything our imagination?

There was also the Heavenletter You Do Not Exist.  In that case, all the people I knew, or thought I knew, never existed either.  Then what is all the hullabaloo about?

And yet God has said that we are love and only love, and in that specific Heavenletter not yet published, He said that, all the while we thought we didn't love, we loved.  Now I have to ask, What is it we loved?