The Destroyer of Ego

Recently, I noticed that a whole slab of my ego dropped off when I wasn't looking.

At the last Godwriting workshop, Stephen mentioned that God's answers had transformed his life. The answers God gave to him were so powerful that I will always remember them.

As for myself, I used to want dramatic changes, but changes in me do not seem to come overnight. However, when I look back, I can see that there have been dramatic changes. Mostly I don't think about changing or that I've got to change or how I've got to change. It feels to me that changes will come

better without my looking for them. If changes are there, they're there. If they're not there, they're not. In a way, it's like changes that may or may not come are none of my business.

So here's my story. I do not seem to know how to tell a story in a few words -- my daughter says it takes me longer to tell about a movie than it does to see it. But I will try to make this story short.

What I'm going to tell you about took place almost twenty years ago. You see, it's taken me up to twenty years to notice this change.

Kitty-corner from where I used to live was a tiny Shiva temple. I used to go over virtually every night for a puja. Friends, I was sold out. This was an intense year. Shiva is known, I believe, as the destroyer, destroyer of ego, as I remember.

A dear next-door neighbor of mine, Gina, used to make dahl and rice or stir fry every night for her family. Most nights, there was enough left over that Gina would bring me the extra. I'd eat fast, grab some fruit and flowers for the puja, and Gina and I would run over to this little temple. It was amazing -- whenever I was doing dishes, I could look out

from my kitchen window and see a Sanskrit sign and a tiny Shiva temple in this little farming community of Fairfield, Iowa, pop.10,000, including the whole county.

The temple was not a real temple. It was a studio apartment, heavily incensed. Jim, the priest, may not have been a real priest either, but who is to say? He was doing it. He was an American who, when he had been in India, a cab driver had taken him through winding roads up to a temple in the mountains, a temple that no Westerner had ever been in before, so the story goes. But somehow Jim was invited in and much honored by the Shiva priests. They tied red strings around his wrists, and quite some ceremonies went on

for hours. When Jim and the cab driver left, Jim asked the driver: "What was all that about?"  The driver said, "Oh, they made you a Shiva priest."

One day Jim turned to me and said out of the blue: "What state of consciousness are you in?" I said, "What?" He said, "Are you in Cosmic Consciousness or God Consciousness?" I almost choked. I knew I was deep into ignorance, but somehow his question woke me up to the fact that higher

states of consciousness could be the real thing and possible, even for me. Just think, he had asked me how far along I was! I certainly wanted enlightenment at the time. It was as if I couldn't live without it. Of course, I have lived very well without it.

There was a circle of friends, five of us, Jim, Gina, two other men, and me. Sometimes in an afternoon we would talk about all manner of things. One time Jim, who was purported to be psychic, would tell us who we were, meaning what Hindu deities we were. Gina was Saraswati, a form of Mother Divine.

Very high being. One of the men was Ganesh, the remover of obstacles. The other was Vishnu who was right up there with Shiva. And when it came to me, Jim squinted his eyes and said, after much deliberation, that I was Radha.

My face fell. To me, Radha was in the minor leagues. She was Krishna's wife or paramour, and that wasn't at all what I wanted to be. I wanted to be someone really important. I knew it was all a game, but still it mattered to me very much. I didn't hide my disappointment, and I was not a good sport

about it. I sulked and when I got home, I sobbed because I wanted to be someone higher up than Radha. But that was so long ago.

The other day a friend said something to me about Krishna. That triggered the memories of those special days, and I told this friend a little about the tiny Shiva temple and how I was only Radha. This friend consoled me by telling me what a wonderful thing it was to be Radha. Of course, now I am aware it would be truly an honor to be Radha. And it is here that my recognition of the change in me enters:

I don't care if I am Radha or not. I would be just as happy to be one of Krishna's gopi milkmaids, or not even that. I don't need to be anybody. I'm perfectly happy not to be anybody. And perfectly happy to not be enlightened. These things just aren't as important to me as they once were. They don't matter now. With or without them, I'm just as happy or not happy. I don't madly desire to be anything but what I happen to be. It's hard for me to imagine that these things once were sooooo important to me. In fact, I can hardly recognize myself in that person I used to be.

Who was she anyway?


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A spring flower that innocently unfolds
revealing its Heart to the rising Sun
what Joy it receives and what Joy it gives
All these miracles without a single thought

This morning, before our meditation practice, we discussed how moving towards God is a natural process, just like the flower. It awakens to the Sun. So too is our moving towards Truth...gently letting go, listening to the soft whisper of that eternal song and allowing it to guide us. So simple. So simple. Figthing ourselves or the ego creates so much resistance. To allow the Light of Love to enter and awaken us to what already IS, is more of an inaction. Its like we stop doing and let it be done.

Amazing how when taking a retrospective look at ourselves, its like we are looking at a completely different person...who we knew so well.

One Love

Ah, dear One -- the completely different person we thought we knew so well!

Interestingly, the Heavenletter written today, #2000, Desires Like Stars -- it will appear April 28 -- follows the theme of your words: "...stop doing and let it be done."

I love what you say, "To allow the Light of Love to enter and awaken us to what already IS..."

God bless you. And many thanks,


Love is the Key and learn to love yourself first so you can give love out.Since I was told to give love a try all has got better everyday and now I live in paradise and abundance. Even if someone by their actions or sayings disappoint you love the person and not their actions Love to you all Jack

Jack, Jack, Jack, this is marvelous what you write. And now you live in Paradise and abundance.

May we all.

With love and blessings,


The truth is (according to the devotees of Krsna) that for instance Sarasvati Devi, de consort of Lord Brahma, the Creator, is an expansion of Sri Radha in her feature as goddess of Art, Literature, Science and Music. Since Sarasvati's divine skills are merely mundane (material), Sarasvati is a demigoddess in charge of the affairs of the material Universes. Her personal life is limited to the lifetime of Brahma and the Universe itself, whereas her archetype as goddess of Art etc. is eternal. Any human being can take over or grow into her function of goddess, as well as the functions of other demigods.

Laksmi Devi, the consort of Lord Visnu, is one step higher than Sarasvati Devi, as She is the wife of the Godhead Himself, pure spiritual form and energy, however still in charge of the material Universes. Visnu's function is Maintainers and Supersoul in every living entity, including demigods, plants, animals, minerals and the atom.

Parvati, the consort of Lord Siva or Mahesvara, is actually Mother Durga (Mahamaya) or Mother Earth (Bhumi Devi), in charge of the material nature inside of the Universes. Siva is a most powerful Lord of the ignorant masses and, therefore, he is the destroyer of false ego, although he himself sometimes complaints of his megalomaniac mood. In fact, he is a devotee and servant of Krsna and not independent. His transcendental (liberated) form is a gopi (maidservant, gopi) of Krsna in Goloka Vrindavan. Her name is Gopesvara.

Visnu is a gigantic expansion of Krishna, the cowherd boy. Not many people know this, or accept this tattva (concluded truth), not even the traditional Hindus in India. Krsna is without functions, whereas all the other expansions, like Visnu and demigods, are charged with particular functions (services to Krsna). Therefore, Krsna with flute, yellow dhoti, flowergarland and peacock feather is accepted as the original form of the Godhead.

To complete now the rest of the theology: there are three features to realize the ultimate truth.

First, there is the concept of impersonal Brahman, the unified field of consciousness (Maharishi Yogi's philosophy similar to Sankaracarya's), in which the soul looses a great deal of its sense of individuality. The goal of so-called brahmavadis (followers of the light of the Creator), which unknowingly are most of the Lightworkers today, is the brahmajyoti, the field of eternal divine light where only sat (eternity) and cit (knowledge) are manifest. There is no bliss or ananda received directly from the Godhead in personal feature. The brahmayjoti is the light effulgence emanating from the divine transcendental body of the Godhead Himself and is located between the material and spiritual Universes. There's little fun and no personal exchange at all. In fact, the eternity of brahmayjoti is limited as well, although the lifespan is really great. Completely dried out and bored, the soul finally drops back onto Earth to try for another chance to connect to Bhagavan in Person which is only possible through the practice of bhakti.

Secondly, there is the realization of locatized Paramatma, where one perceives the divine Supersoul of Visnu in every living entity. This is the playground of many mystic yogis who hanker for material perfections, such as the eight siddhis: lagima, anima, etc.

The last and highest realisation is Parabrahman or Bhagavan. Here one realizes the personal feature of the Godhead in general through spiritual Masters in India and Vedic literatures such as the Puranas especially. Only now one attains eternal shelter, refuge, perfect knowledge and bliss (ananda) and the cultivation of loving exchanges with the Godhead directly and personally. Therefore Bhagavan is described as sat-cit-ananda: eternity - transcendental knowledge - bliss.

The personal relationship with the Bhagavan which is possible only through His personal names such as Krishna, Govinda, Keshava, Gopal, Madan-mohan, etc. is again divided in five mellows (rasas): santi (being satisfied in the knowledge of the personal Godhead, no further action is undertaken but peaceful meditation); dasyam (identifying in a relationship to Bhagavan in the mood of Master and servant worshipping Him with all kinds of paraphernalia and energies); vatsalyam (realizing a relationship in parental or fraternal love, which means your soul wants to serve Krsna in the mood of a mother, father, or brother; Krsna has millions of mothers and fathers in the spiritual sky); sakhyam (the identification of being Krsna's friend or girlfriend; this feature is not available to human beings or demigods but only to eternally liberated souls (nitya-siddhas); madhuryam (being identified as a maidservant in the conjugal pastimes of Radha-Krsna in Goloka Vrindavan, the highest planet in Vaikuntha beyond the material Universes. Madhurya-rasa, is the highest attainment for human beings of whom the demigods are jealous and eager to attain because they have to complete one full cycle of the Universe, whereas earthbeings can go back directly to the personal association of the Godhead, Krsna.

Madhurya-rasa is again divided in 360 mellows and rasas in relation to Krsna or Radha, or Both. Anyway, pure Krsna consciousness is a great, complicated and delicate transcendental science.

According to Vedic literatures and Vaisnavas the Supreme Personality of Godhead is Krishna in His extremely sweet feature of cowherd boy in Vrindavan in the ages between His 'birth' and adolescence consorting with His first gopi, Radha, and Her many girl friends (milkmaids) as supporters and entourage.

In a technical sense, Radha is Krnsa's hladini-sakti, his pleasure potency. No one can compare to Radha, She is the highest of all. She is the source of unconditional love - she has invented Great Love (krsna-bhakti).

Very few souls know, that without the company of Sri Radha the Bhagavan is impersonal Brahman, an undifferentiated entity.

Conclusion is: Unconditional Love is the sole domain of Sri Radha, not even of Krsna. He's the recipient of Her love. If we offer our unconditional love to the Godhead we are in close relationship to Radha.

Therefore, ALL sentient souls in material nature are in fact distant expansions of Radha and are able to return to their soul's destiny at Goloka Vrindavan, Krishna's eternal paradise, in sweet loving surrender and eternal conjugal extasy.

Hope to have cleared up some features of Sri Sri Radha and Krsna.

I bow to the sweet loving Godsoul inside of You & me.

Indira Dasi (Iris Goosen)


I enjoy your heaven letters very much. There is so much to resonate with in each of them. I got a big smile out of your little bio-story. A lot of it sounds like me. I write too many words to tell anything, and over time I have realized that I AM is enough. This me is no more important than any other. . .all are important. And wasn't it grand when we realized desires don't have to be acted upon. Certainly I have taken my time getting to whatever point I am at, but that is how it is for me and it does not matter at all.

Many Blessings and hugs,

Dear Shirl,

So happy to see your post. I loved every word and every point you made. Some nice humility, Shirl.

I love Indira's before yours. I think I had somehow missed it.

I think we would all become enlightened by reading the comments in this blog.

Looking forward to more from you, Shirl.

Gloria, Now you have me laughing out loud. Not so sure there is any humility in it. . .it just is the way it is, but thank you for saying so. I have some moments of popping up into that ego too, it is just that now I laugh at it and let it go. I AM perfectly magnificent,just as each and everyone of us are.

Smiling through the rest of the day.


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