Did I coin a word?

The word is emotionality. I don't know if it's a real word or not. It's real for me.

Sometimes I sort of envy bookkeepers who do detail work.  They transfer numbers from one place to another.  They know when they're done, and they know when it's exactly right.

There is no wondering for them. Big numbers or little numbers, it's the same to them. It's almost like doing a crossword puzzle. It's right, or it isn't.

It seems to me that bookkeepers do not have to deal with emotionality. How easy that is. Not that I would ever want to actually be a bookkeeper. And not that I would ever want to be doing anything but what I am right now. I know how privileged I am, and I never stop marveling over it.

Yet, unlike bookkeepers, I deal with emotionality constantly. The forum, the blog, Godwriting workshops,  essential correspondence, weighing things, finding the right words,  even finding a right title for a Heavenletter seem to require emotionality from me. Or, maybe I require it of myself.

Every day gives dozens of happiness-providing events. Two exceptionally wonderful things happened a couple of days ago, so I had extra happy emotionality, but emotionality nevertheless. The same day, I had to say no to three people. That isn't easy for me nor is it easy for them.

It must be that I am trying to say I am involved in matters that are not cut and dried, and I am subjectively involved.

Hmmm, I wonder when I will have equanimity instead of emotionality.

P.S. Emotionality must be a real word because Microsoft is not underlining the word in squiggly red!