Jochen Asks God a Question
12-8-07
[Of course, published with permission.]
From Jochen to God:
Dear God,
You will know how difficult it is for me to address you this way. These are words I haven’t used in decades, they were not even in my vocabulary any more. I’d much rather call you "Dear Tree". Oh, I can relate to that beautiful simile you chose for your Heaven Letter #495 on March 3, 2002, The Engagement of God and Man, having been deeply in love with nature my whole life.
Your Letter of today, #2570 Your Luminescence, December 8, 2007, somehow tells me it is time to write. Over the last days, I have been feeling a growing inspiration to do so; the inspiration seems gone now that I started, but I don't mind.
There is a kind of mantra going on and on in my head that must be as old as I am, at least I don't remember its origins. It goes like this: "Nothing is ever going to work out for me. I will always feel as depressed and unhappy as I have always felt and there is no way out, no way out, no way out, not even in death."
I can see how strange that is. No, it doesn't make sense at all, not even to me. But it's loud and clear, and I have been unable to shake it off or grow beyond it so far. I have tried several kinds of therapy, I have been into Zen meditation for many years, then after that I found the Pathwork and worked with it for several years and again with the Seth material, Emmanuel, and finally Abraham. Abraham is where I felt at home for the first time in my life. I found Heaven Letters when doing a search for Emmanuel whose web site seems to have vanished. So here I am. Half-fearing I'm making a fool of myself; half-hoping I have been fooling myself until today.
Confusion is perhaps the worst part of it. I know what joy is, I know what love is. When reading your Heavenletters, I sometimes feel that immensity of love and I KNOW that love is all there is – but with it comes a huge wave of sadness, and then my mantra kicks in and I just KNOW it's not for me, will never be for me, and nothing and no one is ever going to help or even be able to help, not even God. That is what I mean by confusion.
Dear God, is there something you would suggest I do or not do to let go of this horrible thing I so desperately cling to? Do you know I'm not going to believe you anyway? And do you know I know I'm you? I wish I could say I was crazy in some clinical sense, perhaps that would yield some relief. But I'm not.
I am writing from Germany, English is not the language I grew up in. But I think I expressed myself clearly enough.
And now I don't know how to end this.
Tell Gloria I really appreciate her work.
And please, see my hands.
Jochen
God to Jochen:
Most beloved Jochen, you can call Me Dear Tree. I am Everywhere and within Everything. I am within you. I will call you Dear Sapling, Dear My Beloved Son, Dear Heart, Beloved Jochen, Loving Jochen, Dream of My Heart, Cascade of Love, Doubting Thomas.
Beloved friend, it is your mind that chews its fingernails. Your heart is true and above all the thoughts in the world. Your heart knows not thoughts. It knows love.
What human nervous system can accept all the love I give? Accepting all My love would turn you inside out. You would have to vacate the premises. You would bow out and find yourself saying:
“Okay, God, it is all yours. Have everything of me. I do not have to exist so long as You do. Yes, God, I will melt into your heart. I will disappear in the love of Your heart, and I will be glad, because, as I disappear, I appear for the first time in all My full-fledged glory.
“Even as I speak these words, my intellect will not allow this. My intellect is supercilious and plays a game of non-surrender. It plays a game of cat and mouse. I toy with you, God. I try to make You my creation instead of facing the fact that I am Yours.
“I do not want to weep. Not even in joy do I want to weep. It is hard for me to give myself up, even to You, the Tree of my branch.
“It is from You that all goodness comes, and yet I am a disheartened seeker. The truth is I will not accept part of you, my most beloved Tree. I want all of You, and I want it right now. To prevent my disappointment, I tear my heart apart. I think things I do not mean. I am like a researcher, when all I need to be is a simple human being in love with My Creator Tree.
Comments
Oh ~ that is so very beautiful ~ all of it!
Thank you for sharing it with us Jochen ~ and I think "Dear Tree" is absolutely wonderful!!!
I love it!!! :)
Nature, to me, is The Vibrant Living God in all Her splendour and glory!
I have a saying, that is actually printed on my web site too, which is...
"Love is my God ~ and Nature is my church!"
So, walk in your beloved Nature Jochen, and give love to every Tree, for They are all God in manifestation, as so are we!
Lots of Love and many Blessings to you Jochen ~
Namaste
Mary
xoxoxo
:)
I love the bare-boned honesty of Jochen's questions. Is there anyone who cannot relate?
There is a blog entry coming up where, in a different way, of course, something of the same is expressed.
Thank God we have a God Who can answer our hearts.
A beautiful correspondence, Jochen!
Such vulnerability and honesty in your letter and of course, God’s Unconditional Love and Empowerment and Comfort in his/her answer. Your acceptance starts to show in your answer to God. Way to go, Jochen!
There is so much that I can learn from it.
I too love Nature and it has given me some indescribable moments and closeness to God. I am glad to hear of your deep love for Nature; it will always be your friend!
God says: “A Great Light is going to go on in the world, and it is you.
Dear Jochen,
I could have written your question myself; as a matter of fact, I did. The answer is to surrender this feeling of 'sadness', and as you made the question, you already started surrendering it. And the other part is that this is not only something of our own, we also carry part of the collective consciousness. And the separation from God causes a lot of distress there. So, when you overcome this depression, you don't help only yourself, but all the people. So, you become/are a Great Light.
Thank you for sharing!
Paula
perfection is not creation. you are here to live and learn.
god answers prayers, like doctors who respond when we are in premature labor but not when we are fill term and it is time for us to change and be reborn.
life is about beginnings. a graduation is a commencement and not a termination. the bible ends in a revelation and not a conclusion.
you are here to be born again and again and again.
when you die you will be perfect again free of your body.
Dear Jochen,
Thank you for posting your heartache here. You are courageous to bare your deepest and most desperate thoughts. I "know" I'm not that brave! Yet your open letter to God and God's ever-loving, compassionate response is helping me cope with my own life-long confusion. Thanks again for sharing and Being a light in the tunnel whether you "know" it or not.
Love, Light and Aloha!
Karen, I feel about Jochen just as you do. His question haunts me. How similar we all are.
Now my wish is that Jochen respond to us right here on the blog!
Dear Mary, Gloria, Xenia, Paula, Dr. Bernie, and Karen,
coming home tonight (European time), I find all your wonderful, thought provoking and deeply touching comments. I am so grateful for every single one of your lovingly supportive words, each one a blessing, really.
Karen, I followed your advice today. Wednesday is my day off (as a freelancer, I can work on weekends), so my wife and I went snowshoeing in the Alps, and it was a dream of deep blue and crystalline white silence -- too simple for words, too beautiful for words not sung.
Xenia, Karen,
your words are so encouraging. I think that is exactly the idea of posting questions to God and God's answers here. Sometimes a personal question makes it a little easier even for others to relate to the - may I call them universal? - issues addressed, rendering God's words more immediately accessible
I have been helped more than I can say since I found Heaven Letters a few weeks ago. More, in fact, than in several decades that went before. If some of the blessings I am receiving are useful for any of you -- oh, that is happiness, isn't it?
Again, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Gloria, I just checked the comments again and saw your new post. Ich eile!
Love to all of you who commented and to everyone who may have contributed by just reading. Jochen
Oh, I think I mixed up some of your names. The advice I followed was Mary's, of course.
Hi Jochen!
Names do not really matter, as we are all part of The One Glorious Tree Family, and as such we all rustle our leaves and whisper sweet nothings into each others ears!
What joy and delight!
Where abouts do you live Jochin? Your beautiful description "of deep blue and crystalline white silence" brought back fond memories of the many times I visited Austria!
With lots of Love from one of Mr Tree's little saplings!
:)
One-derful Mary,
I live in Munich, Bavaria, but we were in Austria yesterday, on the southern slopes of the "Wilder Kaiser" ("Wild Emperor"), roughly in the middle between Innsbruck and Salzburg.
Hugs from sapling to sapling.
What a beautiful part of the world you live in Jochen! :)
I live in the UK, but I used to travel to both Germany and Austria twice a year every year!
We used to go over with our car on the ferry, and drive down through France into Germany and then on to Austria. We loved it there!
We toured round a lot, but often stayed at a favourite little place in Holzleiten, (I think that is how it was spelt), near Nazereith, about 30 minutes from Innsbruck!
You have brought back fond memories to me ~ thank you!
Sapling hugs back to you! :)
Namaste
Mary
:)
Incredible letter. Thank you for sharing your pain, Jochen. You spoke for so very many of us. You are not alone ... as you now know.
You have done such a wonderful service for so many. Whenever anyone is so brave as to share their personal pain and personal growth, it is such a comfort to those who felt alone.
Thank you, dear Pam.
The strange thing is, you just tell your thing because you cannot think of anything else to do any more -- and comforting others is not on your mind at all.
But then the echo tells you there are sisters and brothers out there who resonate deeply with your story and question and of course with God's response, even to the point of feeling some comfort. That is when you realize that in their comfort lies your own comfort.
I don't know whether I'm making any sense.
Love,
Jochen
Jochen, in saying this--in their comfort lies your own comfort--I think you are making a deep and beautiful statement about how Love really works.
This is a discovery that people make as they recognize more of their Oneness.
I am another who was very moved by your hearfelt sharing and by God's response. Thank you, bless you.