No one wants to be a bearer of bad news
I knew a very wonderful woman who was engaged to a man she adored. However, he had a reputation for presenting himself well but falsely in both personal and business dealings. “Everyone” seemed to see through this man except for this fine woman who was about to marry him.
This woman, my friend, said to me a few weeks before her wedding: “You know, everyone warns me about X, but I really know him, and no one knows him like I do.”
I don’t remember if I commented or bit my tongue. I can tell myself it wouldn’t have mattered anyway because my friend was so in love, she couldn’t have heard me any better than she heard anyone else.
Within a month or so after her marriage and the discovery of one untruth after another, my friend was bemoaning her fate. Within a year, she was divorced.
What is really the right thing do when there is someone you care about who, from everything you know, is making a mistake? Do we keep quiet or do we speak? Are we being a friend to speak up, or are we meddling and interfering with their lives?
How can we know? Maybe, if we love our friend, we have to stay out of it, but how? Or, maybe, if we love our friend, we have to give him or her our warning and then drop it. Or maybe we shouldn’t say anything because the person we want to protect could be right -- people do change, and our friend may know the person in question better than we do.
Well, what do you think? What do you do in such a situation?
Comments
You make sure your friend is aware of any serious problems that have happenned in the past. (If the relationship was honest, she would already have heard. If he's keeping secrets, that's another red flag.) Then you drop it. Sometimes people need to make a "mistake" in order to learn something.
P.S. I'm sure my parents saw my involvement with TM and my marriage to John as a mistake. It was just a projection of their own fears.
I know what I would do in this situation now, Gloria! Thanks to your lovely little workshop, I would Godwrite about it. Then I could get my mind/ego out of the way of my heart and do what honored my friend and myself most at the time. Spiritual Wisdom cuts right to the chase and trumps all other "logic and reason".
There is one instance where I wish I hadn't dropped it. But as you say, people's mistakes may not be mistakes at all in the big picture.
It is hard to imagine that anyone who knows John could ever imagine that it could be a mistake to marry him.
People sure see the same things differently.
Apart from what we have spoken about, there are are a few people who seem to feel important by having bad news to tell!
As a friend I say what I think and leave it so a mistake is made to learn. I have experienced the same with my best friend and I was very strait forward. My friend did not talk to me till his marriage fell apart and he came to me and told me that I was right.
That is when my ego came in and my reply was " I might not always be right but I am never wrong". What I say now after loosing Ego. Never mind you learned and are wiser so lets celebrate. We still are in contact be e-mail quite regular and still the best of friends. What I said at the time was not very tactful, I never was. I got an e-mail today were the last prayer was "please God, hold your hand over my mouth". But I have always thought to be tactful was slightly dishonest. Greetings and Love to ALL
Jack
Like Jack, I used never find the need to monitor what I said--it was the "truth", after all. No tact whatsoever. One thing to tell the truth and another to be brutal about it.
A very good friend says to everyone she speaks with, "Don't ask if you don't really want to know." She is gifted with beign able to see guides and speak with those who have passed. (Not really channelling--at least not the kind of channelling where she "goes away.")
The more I practice not judging and tuning into Spirit, the more I find that when someone is telling me their woes or problems, I hear questions to ask. And I'm always guided to say, "You don't have to tell ME your answer," as these questions many times are of a really personal nature. The answer is none of my business. Of course, that part kills me as I am totally curious and nosy. (Usually they do at least answer partially--but then it leads to more questions.)
What seems to happen, then, is they answer themselves and I am not the one who told them the bad news--they already knew. They just needed to be asked the right question.
I do like the prayer Jack received--I can certainly make good use of it.
You give us such insights, Pam. That's no surprise.
There's a simple way to resolve such situations. Observe if actions are moved by love. Love will move one to act or withdraw. Love does not doubt itself. If there is ANY uncertainty, don't do it. Then one may keep oneself occupied with more personal matters, like "Why am I uncertain?"
I find myself keeping quiet most of the time. Even when I can see clearly that someone is going to miss, I won't say, "Aim a little more to the left", unless they ask. I feel very peaceful like this.
To be free, is to never explain oneself or actions...unless love moves one to.
I love what you write here, One, but I especially LOVE the last line of your post: "To be free is to never explain oneself or actions...unless love moves one to." I'm currently learning how truly loving and affirming it is to NOT explain oneself and one's actions, unless guided to do so by Loving Spirit.
Explanation seems to be ego's tool, and the opposite of acceptance and surrender. This is truly a place of peace and freedom.
Thank you for the kind comments, Gloria. It's your blogs that get the ball rolling. YOU certainly are one who asks the questions in the right way.
And DOUBLE WOW, One and Jo ... your posts are freeing! What an epiphany I just had. "Explanation seems to be ego's tool ..." No wonder so many times "explaining" is taken as being "defensive". That is so COOL! I'm gonna have to go sit with this for awhile.
SUCH INCREDIBLE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE! Thank you.