Re the recent blog on sadness

Here's what I'm thinking about sadness now. This is in relation to a recent blog entitled Lately a Lot of Sadness.

The recollection of that poem my first love recited to me and the renewed force it had over me, by coming up into the light of day, seem to have disassembled the power the  memory had over me.

It's not that I brought this memory out into the light of day. It came of itself. The memory and grip it had held on me had been subterranean for so many years, and when they came up, they hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have had insights many times that didn't move me forward. This time the remembered experience and its sadness, of themselves, seemed to be a way of neutralizing the experience not by my will but by -- what?

This had nothing to do with telling myself that I need to be done with it. In a recent Heavenletter, God said if our determination and striving to become enlightened, for instance, worked, we'd all be brilliant. (Jochen, which Heavenletter is it?)

I have, over the years, had many conscious insights, and yet no matter how correct the insight, to the best of my knowledge, that didn't mean I lived it. The insight stayed where it was, a wise insight that I could not seem to incorporate. Thus, I (or life) repeated patterns again and again.

I have had further insights about that memory since that morning. I realize that that particular memory that popped up is part of a theme. In another blog coming up, I speak of my being amiss with space, and I think, alas, that now this present sadness has to do with being amiss with time. Time elongated life and twisted it out of shape and out of proportion.

What is the theme of that memory and of so many others? What statement does it make? Has it become a belief? If it is my belief, then do I subconsciously fulfill it?

The memory of lines from a poem brought up a lost love who once meant the world to me and who now no longer does.

If I have carried this theme around with me, is the theme then: A loved one does not stay. A loved one does not live up to his promise -- his promise being what I saw him as and wanted him to be, not that he made promises to me and broke them.

Is the theme then that love does not last? And it isn't worth it anyway?

What might be the theme of sadness that you hold?


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My theme of sadness is definitely unworthiness, or better, the belief (a knowing) that nobody does really know my inner being, and thus nobody loves the REAL me.

Something precious that I lost...a memory... a dream of beauty...

It's not lost, Emilia, carissima. Nothing can ever be lost. "Lost" does not exist. But the joy of finding it again feels like more than we can bear after what feels like eons of exile. It would burst us, brittle ones that we have become from grieving. So we shrug or throw up our hands. We prefer to be realistic and deny its existence altogether. But now blood begins to seep back into those desert hearts, preparing them to receive thunderstorms of beauty. Feel deserving. Feel that you will finally consent to gifting yourself with a cosmos of beauty. You know what it looks like. You know what it feels like. Really, it is you who allows yourself to have it. How can I explain? Be good to yourself. Commit the sin of saying yes to yourself loudly and clearly (but not defiantly), get into the feeling that you can have absolutely everything. How about freedom and a dawn at the Ionian sea filling with purest beauty a child's trembling heart.

"Nothing gets unnoticed", not to you, Jochen, you notice and remember, what a divine rare quality. Yes, I know "what it feels like", even if only for few moments, I know it, I know it is me, I know it is a recognition and I know it is only me who can allow it, so I say to myself: "Help me God".

This correspondence reminds me of some of the famous correspondence -- wise and deep.

For Paula
Enjoined to God's Heart
Heavenletter #258 Published on: July 14, 2001

God said:
Everything you do in life is an attempt at joining. You are trying to unite to something. Even when you flee to a desert island, you are seeking a unity with life. You are seeking to join forces with yourself.

When you take a job and when you quit a job, you are trying to become part of something. It is belonging. You want to belong somewhere. Or refuse to stay where you no longer belong, if you ever did.

What classroom was ever big enough for you?

What glasses ever fit your eyes?

What shoes could keep up with you?

Where is your landing place?

Where do you sit down and breathe a huge sigh of relief?

You keep looking. You keep trying things on.

The only place you truly belong is with Me.

That's not so bad, is it?

Nowhere else is quite the Home I provide. No place else quite fits so well.

Many of you did not even belong with your families. Perhaps not to the town where you were born. Perhaps not to your country. Perhaps not to the time you found yourself in. And yet, somehow, it was just right, but you had other thoughts.

Some of you may belong more to another time, in the past or in the future. Some of you are situated in a past culture, and some are visionaries of the future because you have been there. There is no median point where you are fully at home on Earth. Earth cannot really fit the size of you.

And yet you keep wandering, looking for the right place to alight.

I will tell you a secret: Your fulfillment is not a question of where your body is, nor what bricks and mortar protect you from the rain and sun, nor what people surround you, nor where you sit or whether you sit or stand. There is nothing in the world or the minds of men that can accommodate your worthiness or diminish it or enhance it. Your worthiness has its own quarters. Its name is Heaven. That is what you have been looking for, and this is where you have been, only your recognition has been dimmed by the sights and sounds around you. There has been so much to look at and too much noise for you to hear.

What you are trying to join is a league of hearts, a league of souls, a league of brotherhood that reaches to Heaven. You are on high, and you want to reach there. You see an oasis ahead of you that is merely a mirror image of where you are.

All the while that you are on a mountaintop, you look down and around and forget where you are.

You belong everywhere and nowhere.

You belong to belonging.

You long to belong.

And you belong with Me. That is the long and the short of it.

Your longing longs to be filled. Your longing is not vaporous. It is a solid longing for the truth about you. And the Truth of you is the Truth of Me. There is One Truth, and it is Ours.

You belong in My vision and My heart. I long for you who longs for Me. Fill My longing, and you are fulfilled. Keep climbing to Me. Keep setting your sights on Me, for that is how you recognize where you have already climbed. You are wending your way to My heart and your acceptance of My bounty as yours when all the time it was. All the time it was. Always you have been here with Me, joined to My heart joined to all others. You are enjoined in My being. So be it.

Gloria you said it - wise and deep..

Jochen, your words have indeed touched me. There is much sadness everywhere.. I have been reflecting on sadness these past few days. And along comes this blog,
with sentences of " blood begins to seep back into those desert hearts,preparing them to receive thunderstorms of beauty." So if we do know how it feels,why are we so hesitant to experience it again?

Today's Heavenletter says it best. How do we really know if we are making the best decision? We don't. but does it really matter? There are no mistakes.

There are many times I feel as if I belong in another time and space.

Boy, Lynda, I sure relate to your sense of belonging in another time and space. Maybe it's not a time and space but Heaven.

"...why are we so hesitant?"

Lynda, there are many things that come to mind, but your own answer, following today's Heavenletter, may be the best one – "does it really matter?" Well, many of us are not quite there yet. I am not. Until I am, I have to follow all the pointers I find in Heavenletters. For instance this from Heaven #2651:

"Man has gone to great lengths to disguise himself and the world. In Bright Light, he sees darkness. He is a marauder of the Light. He duels with it. He cuts it up in pieces because he does not allow himself to see all the Light he himself is and that you are. He is afraid he will burn up and disappear in the Light of God. He is so afraid of disappearing that he disappears himself and wears a banal disguise."

Or this from Heaven #2958:

"Here's what I see: Everyone seems to hold on to thoughts that hurt their hearts. Some people have memories of deep unfortunate situations and relationships that haunt them. In one way, we could say that they had memories worth being tormented by. Others have lesser memories yet which seem just as big to them. They were grounded once unfairly. Their siblings didn't let them play with them. They lost their fire truck. It is as though My children will find something painful to fill an empty place. It almost seems that My children may have a need to torment themselves, for they seem to dredge up some kind of neglect, mistreatment, or misunderstanding to rack their hearts."

The "empty place", according to Heaven #3547 is our lost sense of Oneness, and we fill that empty space with all kinds of negative or painful emotions. Until we realize they are all "red herrings" and the only thing we really want is to regain our sense of Oneness.

Is the theme, let's have a higher experience of love?

And I am certain we are all given many opportunites each day to change the way we experience those events and people who touch our emotions.

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