Here's what I'm thinking about sadness now. This is in relation to a recent blog entitled Lately a Lot of Sadness. http://www.godwriting.org/godwriting/lately-a-lot-of-sadness-temporality.htm
It's not that I brought this memory out into the light of day. It came of itself. The memory and grip it had held on me had been subterranean for so many years, and when they came up, they hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have had insights many times that didn't move me forward. This time the remembered experience and its sadness, of themselves, seemed to be a way of neutralizing the experience not by my will but by -- what?
This had nothing to do with telling myself that I need to be done with it. In a recent Heavenletter, God said if our determination and striving to become enlightened, for instance, worked, we'd all be brilliant. (Jochen, which Heavenletter is it?)
I have, over the years, had many conscious insights, and yet no matter how correct the insight, to the best of my knowledge, that didn't mean I lived it. The insight stayed where it was, a wise insight that I could not seem to incorporate. Thus, I (or life) repeated patterns again and again.
I have had further insights about that memory since that morning. I realize that that particular memory that popped up is part of a theme. In another blog coming up, I speak of my being amiss with space, and I think, alas, that now this present sadness has to do with being amiss with time. Time elongated life and twisted it out of shape and out of proportion.
What is the theme of that memory and of so many others? What statement does it make? Has it become a belief? If it is my belief, then do I subconsciously fulfill it?
The memory of lines from a poem brought up a lost love who once meant the world to me and who now no longer does.
If I have carried this theme around with me, is the theme then: A loved one does not stay. A loved one does not live up to his promise -- his promise being what I saw him as and wanted him to be, not that he made promises to me and broke them.
Is the theme then that love does not last? And it isn't worth it anyway?
What might be the theme of sadness that you hold?