The Divine and the human are such a contradiction -- I seem to be incapable of reconciling them.
When I read over a Heavenletter or see a quote from Heavenletters™ somewhere, I am so impressed with the simplicity, wisdom, and love that falls off the page right into my heart.
Every time it hits me that Heavenletters™ are words that God gave me to write down, I am sort of stunned. I cannot relate to it. I cannot reconcile this.
I feel like Bilbo in the The Hobbit. As I remember it, while Bilbo is in his little Hobbit house, having his Elevenses (his snack at 11 a.m. ) an X was being chalked on his front door. Later, when so many strangers who are going on a journey come into Bilbo's house and expect him to disturb his routine and go with them, he is certain they have come to the wrong place. Certainly he isn't going to leave his creature comforts and warm house and go on an adventure. Certainly, a mistake was being made.
It's twelve years or more that every day, seven days a week, Heavenletters™ have been written down. I blink my eyes and don't fully fathom it. I often don't believe it. Every time I think of it, I am astonished.
I understand very well that it is not for me to take credit for Heavenletters, and I don't. That is not the issue.
The issue is the contradiction. My focus is too often on something the body wants to eat, or a thought like what clothes will I throw on today or what will I grab for lunch or why don't I, for Heaven's sake, wash the dishes and straighten out my office? And yet dishes may wait in the sink, and I look aghast at my office while I don't move a finger to straighten it.
Why is it that I can't balance a check book? not even try any more? How come I overdo on peaches and let something else slide? At the very least, my office ought to be pristine, shouldn't it?
I am immersed in God and yet I am also immersed in the relative, not even the big matters of the relative but the little things of the relative. How can it be that the Hand that gives me the words of Heavenletters™ every day doesn't make me Godly?
Why is it so easy to write down a Heavenletter and so hard to get myself to make the room that Heavenletters are written in immaculate? I'm thinking it must have something to do with my relationship to space.
Through it all, I simply am unable to reconcile the human with the Divine. It's an impossibility.
Do you experience this too? Is this what's meant by the human condition?