The man who lives upstairs
The man who lives upstairs from me, Henry, a beautiful soul, is heavy-footed. Clunk, clunk, clunk go his feet. He stays up late, and when he does go to bed, he gets up a lot. Clunk, clunk, clunk. Clomp, clomp, clomp. When I first moved into this apartment, the heavy steps above me were intolerable. I would cover my ears with my pillow. I tried not to be tormented, yet when Henry woke up, I woke up. When he apparently got back to sleep, I wasn't able to.
There was nothing to be done. The acoustics here are not great. The floors creak, and Henry is heavy-footed. Was he supposed to tiptoe in his own home? There was nothing to be done about the clomping. He wasn't out to disturb me. I wasn't out to be disturbed. I want to say that we were both innocent of any offense. It's just how it was. Probably that's how it is in all relationships.
After a few weeks, it came to pass that his heavy footprints didn't wake me any longer. I stopped hearing them at night. I assume they haven't stopped. I can only assume I've stopped being bothered by them. I suppose we could say I got used to them.
These days I see emotional pain as equivalent to Henry's heavy footsteps. So troubling. Then, after a while, the pain simmers down. It falls in line with all the past. It doesn't quite leave, yet it recedes.What is a lesser word than pain and suffering? Piqued, I suppose. I get piqued at life sometimes and call it suffering.
Apart from physical pain, is all perceived suffering pique? Does perceived suffering exist because of ego? I suspect that, at least, a lot of it is. If we feel that life has no right to do this to us, who is the us that feels this way?
Comments
Very interesting! I believe it is ego. I become piqued at many things. And then, I try to see both sides, but that is not serving me well right now.
Both of the directors I work with, have been with this agency all of their working life. To some, that is what they need. They do not enjoy change. However, both are in their own world of outdoing each other, and when you a title of "director" I do think EGO becomes bigger.
One of them, (Charlie who I now report to)expressed ego very clearly to me. A few of our homes are high profile in their neighbourhoods. We had a terrible dandelion problem this spring (as most are because of the chemical ban here). A decision was made to ask for quotes for (natural)weed control for our homes. I was asked to get a quote for each (of 33) in the off chance we might have to do this. Apparently this was a nightmare for the landscape company. It took them a lot of negotiating (to secure a company) and several weeks.
Now I have a very good relationship with this company. When they numbers came in, Charlie went to Jim (the executive director)Jim decided he did not want to pay for a third party to make any profit from this, so he now wanted me to start from scratch. Then Charlie went back to Jim (as I have no time) and Jim agreed they were not going to make that much. He now wanted ALL of the homes done. Then Charlie changed his mind, decided our budget could not handle all of the homes, and only wanted the high profile homes done.
So I am relaying all of these daily changes to my landscape company. They became so upset,that we are so indecisive they pulled their quote.
I felt terrible. I sent an email to Charlie, asking him if we could find a way to more decisive. Many companies I deal with, have told me can't make up our mind, and it costs them money. I said I feel caught in the middle.
Here is ego at work - Charlie's response: HE had the authority to change his mind if he wants. And I need to decide who I am responsible to, as I cleary don't know it is my agency. And that we not be doing business with this landscape company next year, because "they" are NOT going to tell us what we can and can't do.
And I need to make a decision.
My first "ego" response was to march in to his office Monday and tell him that maybe the agency needs to decide if I am good fit. (knowing that this could lead to a severance package). What I did was send him an email telling him I am sorry he feels that I don't feel responsible to my employer, as that could not be further from the truth. But that I am caught in the middle, and it feels like being a marriage counselor for a couple destined to divorce.
Why is it so wrong to see both sides? I have worked for several different employers over the years, in different capacities. I learned that you try and work with those doing work for you. Not everyone is about trying to take your money.
I am seeing the upheaval as well. People dealing with high emotional changes, mother earth is telling us she is not happy. Would God not want us to remain calm in the face of these storms?
Beloved Lynda, you have a gift of giving me a lot to say in response to what you write so fully from your heart!
I understand the position you are in. You are in the middle. I think it's referred to as having responsibility without authority. Not an easy position to be in.
And, of course, you are right that not veryone is trying to take advantage of your company.
What can this storm in your company be but ego?
And, you, young lady, don't take it so seriously! (I'm told that a lot!)
Now in your last paragraph, you, quite rightly, refer to Mother Earth.
I would like to tell you my very first reaction to what you posted. It was this:
What is all the hullabaloo about dandelions! What is so bad about dandelions!!!
Where I used to live, for a year or two, I used to dig up the ones in front. Too much work. Then I started to think they were beautiful. All that happy yellow. And their flowering season didn't last long!
I also had learned that dandelions grow only in the soil that needs them! It may be clay soil that needs their roots -- the reason I forget.
And then I read that eating three dandelion stems a day is very healthy for us. Good for the liver. Then I would harvest some dandelion leaves every day for salads. All this made me happy.
Now that I live in an apartment, I don't have that pleasure.
And, yes, the management spray here, as if it would be neglect if they didn't. The spraying makes me, a tenant, unhappy. Not much I can do about it.
As I walk around town, I am unhappy to see those little flags up that say this grass has been chemically sprayed
I think the whole thing about getting rid of dandelions, which is also not your decision, dear Lynda, is an ego thing about who has the fewest dandelions. Really, what did the dandelions ever do to us?
I love to see those few front yards that are fully planted with vegetables and flowers and trees. So beautiful.
Heaven Admin, remember that beautiful garden two houses away from this apartment building? The couple that made that paradise moved away. Alas, now it's all plain grass.
Gloria you make me laugh!
It is all about who has the least amount of dandelions. It is also about being a non-profit agency that supports the developmentally challenged. And some neighbours do not want us in the THEIR neighbourhood. And so the loudest neighbour is listened to.
Yes, if it were up to me (who has no authority) I would dig out those and use some leaves. Perhaps the pharmaceutical companies would sell less cholesterol managing medication. (but that is a whole other blog I fear)
The point you made to me personally is I do need to "lighten up." I do take things very seriously and personally. Perhaps being diligent in your work, does not have to mean that you take it all on yourself.
You are so right, Lynda.
I have to remind myself that I am just a character in a play, and everyone else is too.
Thank you for your thoughtful posts. There's a lot to learn from you, Lynda.
With love and blessings,
Gloria
The gardens gone?!!! Nooooooo! OK, we'll have to get more going. There's still Paul's house which would be the perfect place. Everyone would be able to see it.
Si, Senor, the garden in front of that house is gone. Except there seem to be some corn plants cropping up and also what could be sunflowers! When are you coming back to Fairfield?
End of September looks good!
Well, that is fantastic!