The question
Normand asked that I post the personal Godwriting™ I do. Of course, I pick out the gems when I post from "my" personal Godwriting™. In the process of Godwriting, I've learned it doesn't pay to think about what is a gem. Better to focus on the personal exchange with God and me and not gems. Focusing on the gems is like trying to write something that merits an A, and this self-consciousness doesn't work in Godwriting.
Reading over personal Godwriting is a different story. Then I can pounce on the gems.
By and large, the significance of these daily moments of interaction with God and me on the personal level is in more than what God says. The main importance may be that I invite myself to sit down with God. I believe it is the casual being there with Him that is the heart of it.
As I read over the questions I've asked, they are pretty humdrum. Much of what I ask about, as I look at it objectively, is just an excuse to say something to God. I don't really have a question, yet I want those few minutes a day with God. Maybe some day I'll cease my ramblings and just sit quietly, and both God and I can be silent.
For the most part, the greater experience for me is in writing down the daily Heavenletters. It was in November 1999 or 2000 that God said He wanted Heavenletters to be from His agenda and personal questions to be put aside. I sure see the value of that.
In personal Godwriting, I'm mostly searching for something to ask God. On the other hand, in Heavenletter writing, God just comes right in, knows what He wants to talk about, and I am entirely a receiver. A Heavenletter is in a different league.
This morning, as I hunted for a gem in recent personal Godwriting, I came across a question of mine that was pretty good! In fact, I think it is, perhaps, all the questions rolled into one. It may be the basic question that resides in our hearts.
Perhaps this is the only question there really is. And each Heavenletter is an answer to it.
So this time I write down here just the question:
God, how can I feel alone here when there is You?
Comments
That is such a powerful question.
This feeling is something like what I imagine the ugly duckling would have felt. Its like living in a world of strangers with rare passing moments of familiarity yet always solemnly knowing that nobody will ever understand. I remember experiencing this feeling often, however I was not aware of what I was experiencing. It was like being in a cloud of mixed emotions without the knowledge of anything existing outside the cloud. So the cloud becomes the world.
Something happened to me once. Since then I know that there exists a vastness beyond the cloud and that there is no my heart and your heart -- only one heart that we share. The cloud is still there, only now it's a momentary thing that can be stepped out of in a wink.
Dear Gloria, your answer is very limpid.
"I believe it is the casual being there with Him that is the heart of it." All it takes really is the willingness to sit with Him, not even having a question to ask. As well as you invite yourself to sit with God, you invite God to sit with you. God loves to be invited. As a guest He might prefer just to enjoy the mutual presence rather than being interviewed. And He would probably enjoy a cup of tea with cookies.
As for your question: "God, how can I feel alone here when there is You?", it sounds more like an answer than a question. With your type of question/answer, God might ask you the question: "Do you want the problem or the answer?"
When I read your question, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. The only meaning of time and change is to make us realize that the changes we try to make to ourself or to the world have no reality, no meaning. We tried to be alone, a long time ago. It was the big change we wanted to make to ourself and to the world. Now we come to the fact that we will never change what God as created. Time and change are means to learn escape from time, and every change that time appears to bring in passing by.