The Slipping Away of Judgment
If we have to try to not judge, it must show we’re still judging but trying not to.
I also see how judgments are a form of control, and I’m guessing that control is their only reason for being. I see now how judgment imposes. Judgment wants other people to conform to our personal idea of what is best.
I am happy to say that some of my judgments have loosened, yet I don’t think I have been the decider of that. It’s like the judgments just slip away by themselves. I don’t even know they have eased until something makes me notice.
I used to put people into one of two categories -- those who are warm and friendly, and those who are not. You can guess which category I was in favor of.
In fact, if I found someone seemed dispassionate, I snubbed them. I became with them the way I thought they were with me. If they didn’t have much to say, then I wouldn’t either. I became lukewarm or even icy. I wonder how many friendships I blocked.
Of course, life has taught me better. There is more to people than charm. Charm and friendliness may be true or they may go only so far, and those who seem impassive may have hearts of gold.
Recently I read a Robert Crais private detective novel, The Watchman. The hero of this novel was Joe Pike who says very little. He has his attention on the work he’s doing. He never smiles, maybe just a little twitch around his lips once in a while. How focused he is. All he accomplishes. If you ever needed a bodyguard, Joe Pike is the one you would want. I came to adore him, this impassive intelligent truly caring hero who hardly says a word.
It was not Joe Pike who changed my mind about that particular judgment I had, but it was Joe Pike who made me recognize that that particular judgment of mine had already pretty much lost its hold.
Just one footnote -- all the time I was quick to sort people according to their warmth or lack of warmth, I was very quick to disdain anyone who put people in superficial categories that had the misfortune, alas, of not being an issue of mine.
Comments
Hi Gloria our Angel,
What is classified as judgments? If I smile at all but associate with people I am comfortable with. Is that judgment or seeking higher vibrations? I do not know But I feel comfortable and Happy.Even if I am Judged. love you all. Jack
This is really a most interesting topic, I must confess that my believes or behaviours were similar to yours dear Gloria, and so I would be loving and smiling with those who were so to me, and more serious or controlled with those who were not. Time indeed showed me that in a split second a person whom you thought to be icy can just open up and you can reach them and join them in an authentic relationship by just being in our heart without making distinctions or judgements. Still learning and working on it dear, but indeed it is difficult to be icy or lukewarm (this is a new word for me, thanks!) when someone really smiles at us, when we feel the other is really joyful and happy. Joy and happyness and love are impossible to resist !
much joy and love to all
Berit
I just read this book as well and had the same reaction. Loved how he never let other people's perceptions of him affect his being.
Berit, your point is expressed beautifully on how people who seem icy can just open up. I've found that as well. In fact, that was me, in a way. I wasn't "icy", but I did put on a facade of tough and abrasive to hide my basic shyness. Luckily, I always had some wonderful, incredible friends who took the time to chip away at my defenses.
That was then and this is now. Still working very hard to not judge, starting with myself. THAT is the hardest part for me, particularly right now when there are so many seeming dire things happening. It's a choice, still, every day and every moment, to be grateful for what IS and to know that everything happens for a reason. It's hard to not see that big old "L" for Loser pasted on my forehead these days, but thanks to Heavenletters and other wonderful support systems, I CHOOSE to change my thoughts.