Deeper Insight into My Email Addiction
It hit home this morning, the morning that I write this, what my addiction to emails really is. It takes courage for me to confess this publicly.
My attachment to emails has to be from ego, nothing more than ego. I begin to face that my addiction to answering emails is my poor attempt at playing God. What else can it be? I must think that someone really needs my attention or my "wisdom," as if I have anything to express to an individual who is already reading Heavenletters. If they don't get the message from Heavenletters, I must think that it is urgent that I respond, as if I am going to save the day. Do I really imagine that a particular individual who emails me cannot make it in the world without a response from me?!! Who do I think I am. I must think I am needed for more than writing down God's words. Oh, the folly.
You know, I, stubborn to the end, have always learned the hard way. And I have learned, the hard way, that's how most people are! They don't listen to advice any more than I do. So what do I think I'm doing anyway with so many email responses? Now I know. Now I finally have the answer. Here it is:
I'm feeding my ego. That's what I have been spending so much of my time on. Stuffing my ego. Did I really think I was the answer to God's prayers?
Please don't anyone debate me on this one. Take my word for it.
And what is this blog? My confessional! But that's okay.
I will tell you what happened recently that really really helped me to see clearly.
A very fine Heavenreader wrote me a personal email about his concern for certain demoralizing conditions in the world.
I wrote back a super-wonderful email, saying I understood exactly what he was saying, and I applauded him on his good heart.
Could I stop there? No, I had to give a sermon. I told him -- oh, I was so wise -- that God tells us the way to fix what is unkind is to put our attention on the opposite. Where there seems to be non-love, put love and so on.
I wrote a long email, and I was so pleased with my response!
Then I ended with: "Please respond on the forum or blog, if you will, and uplift everyone who will read what you write. Say only the positive."
That sounds just like me, doesn't it?
Well, I got an email back this morning. This nice person sort of agreed and, at the same time, defended his point of view a bit. Had I wasted my time? Absolutely. If I felt had to respond, I should have sent this person a link to a Heavenletter.
And then the email the person wrote to me ended with:
Please do NOT reply to this e-mail.
This serves me right! Isn't this a classic!
And, do you know, that is probably the best bit of advice I ever received! And I really do believe that it was God speaking to me through an individual, and this time, I really really heard the message! :)
Comments
Hello Gloria,
What comes to mind is the saying "everything happens for a reason". It may occur to us right away, or it may take a life time of God sending us the same message until we get it. Someone else may see it and try to help us learn from it, but that may be part of God's plan also, for our friends to learn something they need to from it as well. As long as we are seeking him.
A child of God's
Eileen
Dear Bloomers, how did you get so wise?
Note: "Bloomers" and I lived in the same town in Massachusetts, and we used to see each other a lot thirty or so years ago.
I love it when dear friends and I connect once again.
From some time now I have been concerned with the same problem: the thin line between a (supposed) loving offering ( of a word, a thought, a book, an advice, a personal experience etc.) and ego's games. When in doubt now I prefer to refrain myself from that offering. Maybe this urgency of offering something of ourselves comes from a sense of responsability and from the false believing that we can be of some help by our acts or words. But no one will change his mind, or his attitude and I waste a lot of energy. In that sense the journey is a solitary one. We can share the Word of God, but not much more. We can sustain each other only by our very presence and existence, but everyone must go on the search alone and pass through all experiences. What a relief to know that we do not have to save the world. All are already safe!
We have these marvellous Heavenletters where all that can be said is said. What remains is the light that we are.. and the light that you hold and shine is a very bright one.
Love
By the way, dear Gloria, I am stubborn too and I have learned the hard way, much harder than yours!
Dear Gloria, I do not believe you are ego centred. If some one sends you an e-mail with a problem You and I would too will reply to it and You and I believe that Love and positivity are the awnser. And if you give that advise That is fine If the person in annoyed with the advise you or I give him/her that is not our problem but the one who asked for advise in the first place. And the addition of do not reply to this reply is a shut of from love and shows he/she has more problems than what was asked in the first place. No Dear Gloria you keep on sending out Love and if eople do not want it that is never your problem. Love and plenty of it Jack
So what in the world are we here to do then? Why come to earth incarnate? Might as well stay a star in another world and radiate!
The impulse to do is part of Being. This whole world would collapse if there were no doing. One can be active without any action, and inactive while working at full throttle.
Maybe its the "me awareness" that thinks it does, that yearns to be recognized and appreciated, attaching to the fruits of doing, that causes all the confusion.
And yet still this confusion caused is progress. How else would we know that we have not yet arrived? Good, the rascal is revealed!
Its the Mother Heart that moves us to help another.
@Gloria, the energy of the Mother Heart that radiates from you is not a choice. I've seen it and see it. I've felt it and feel it.
My thoughts exactly One except your words appear more eloquent than mine would have been.
You say One: "Why come to Earth incarnate?". I suppose just to be a radiant star, not so easily in a far dominion of her own, but right here on Earth. Is this to be inactive? Besides I wonder: is any ask for help truly coming from the heart or is it often an exercise of the ego?
You add: "This whole world would collapse if there were no doing". Are you sure that we will not collapse in any case? ( I mean the old way of doing and thinking) We progress through the mist.
I listen to every comment here, and I nod my head. All wise, all true. Even the opposite is true.
I realize now that there is a further component in all this, and that is my expectation. Another way to say this is my control issues. So long as the response is one I like, then I feel my taking the time to email is worthwhile. Otherwise not. It would seem I am depending upon a favorable response to make me feel worthwhile, and that's ego raising its head again.
I am feeling that I am in a good space now. The addictive part of emailing seems to be gone. Certainly I see my over-emailing differently now.
The forum is certainly self-propelling, self-sufficient. The comments are amazing, and I learn from them. There is nothing for me to add except Bravo! There is no need for me to respond on the forum either -- except for topics like a Godwriting workshop in Italy!
God bless us all.
Lessons for me are always learned the hard way too. Thank Godde, though, for you, who a few years ago answered an email I bravely sent at an extremely low point in my life. Your love and kindness and advice was a solace for my soul. You and the Heavenletter site helped me find my path again--not that I haven't strayed off it now and again, made mistakes, and had to learn more lessons the hard way, but I gained such strength and I knew where to find the sign posts. Thank Godde for you and for your willingness to share your own lessons here. LOVE AND BIG HUGS--Pam
Scruples are what ego gets up for in the middle of the night, the most delicious of all the delicatessen it has in its fridge. There is hardly a better way to feed it. How do I know? Im doing it all the time.
Oh, let's have all the ego blunder in the world, let's have workshops, er, playshops where we teach each other to freely impart the most hilarious specimens of ego blunder, let's laugh until we hurt, no doleful looks allowed, no explanations about how much better we really are – except to make us laugh even harder. How fast we would learn to love ourselves and each other. How deeply amusing our seriousness would become. How conductive to love, life and enlightenment the ego would turn out to be.
SIGN ME UP, Jochen ... always up for a good laugh.
You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog.
Maybe you could change the post subject Deeper Insight into My Email Addiction | God Writing to something more suited for your webpage you make. I loved the the writing all the same.
Dear Team Roster, please tell me what you mean! I really want to know.
And thank you for bringing my attention to this older blog entry. I had forgotten about it. There is a recent one on the same subject!